Sex and Our Mental Attitude

Sexuality is an important component of health, quality of life and overall well being. It affects the way we relate to ourselves, our partners, and other people in our lives. A healthy attitude about sex provides numerous benefits to the individual. Couples enjoying regular intimacy report less depression and a higher quality of life.

Americans are obsessed with sex. Racy innuendos sell everything from soap to cars. Now the ads are practically selling sex itself. Turn on the evening news and you are likely to see a commercial featuring a drug to treat erectile dysfunction. The trouble is, Americans have too few relaxing moments. Sex has become an elusive fantasy for millions who don’t have the time or the energy to actually make love.

But, there is a lot of misinformation about sex in our culture. The idea is promoted that there are certain ways to behave sexually, that individuals should be ready to be sexually active at any given minute, and that if desire doesn’t occur spontaneously there must be something wrong. In fact, sexual arousal begins internally, and when one partner is ready the other may just need time to get to the same place.

Another cultural myth is that the “other” is responsible for our sexuality. In fact we turn ourselves on by accessing our own desire, bringing positive sexual feelings to awareness. This step is a necessary precursor to readiness for sex. Possibilities can be stymied when partners expect instant availability, rather than an invitation to become sexually aroused. Pressure from a partner can be interpreted as a demand that can lead to feelings of intrusion, rather than invitation.